tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
