I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
