He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
