thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
