God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
