did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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