guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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