I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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