Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is