There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
