ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
