I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS