she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!