i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
