hotel room ftw
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
