I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
