You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
