I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
