Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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