went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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