I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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