she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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