Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
