he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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