I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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