yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
