i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
