omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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