Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't turn off my feet"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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