I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
