hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
