Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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