I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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