I showed him my bush... on skype.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
