So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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