capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
