Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
