I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
