well you can't waste a boner
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
