Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
