why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
