Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
