Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
