i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
