My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
