you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
