Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
