I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.