You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again