I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hippo gnu deer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"