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we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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