I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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