so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising