I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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