I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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