Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
