I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize