Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
