Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
