I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
