my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
