I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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