i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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