I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
