I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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