i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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