i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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