Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
