How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
