I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
